Self-improvement Books to Support Both You and Your Relationship
The 12 Choices of Winners (visit jefferysaunders.com/books.html for details) provides a great opportunity to learn how to become the person you want to be and become a better partner. Some of the most common problems in a marriage include the inability to express feelings and one’s own needs and wants, struggles with negative thinking, unhelpful reactive emotional patterns, managing the stress of she-wants versus he-wants, a tendency to be critical of one’s partner or of oneself, and dealing with defensive or over-the-top feelings. This book will help you address all of these and many more behavioural patterns that impact on relationships.
Lots of self-support strategies for both you and your partner.
The 12 Choices of Winners jefferysaunders.com/books.html provides straight forward strategies for those inner challenges that impact on a relationship. Brief summaries, cartoons, strategy lists and real stories make this an easy to read, easy to apply, highly motivating personal development companion. Testimonials from readers highlight the transformational and empowerment qualities of this self-improvement book. Check out their comments, and the reviews of professionals in the field, on jefferysaunders.com/ books.htmlThe 12 Choices of Winners will help you discover how easily you can:
1. Manage your feelings so that they support you, not get in your way;
2. Become less emotionally reactive and work with reactive parts that get in the way;
3. Avoid being a victim, rescuer or persecutor in all relationships;
4. Be powerful, strong and self-supportive whilst being soft, loving and open with others;
5. Be yourself, fully and powerfully, not a clone of others or of dogma;
6. Take charge of your mind, rather than have it take charge of you;
7. Be who you were designed to be, and passionately live your true life;
8. Create the reality you want; change unhelpful realities plaguing your life;
9. Implement strategies handed down by generations of spiritual teachers;
10.Live your life your way, doing what works for you (rather than others);
11.Be in control of your life, rather than feel controlled by life.
1. Understand the attachment (or childhood programming) styles that dictate how you relate as an adult.
2. Learn about the dynamic you are likely to have been in by the time the relationship gets to feel wobbly. The Control Drama Triangle describes the dynamics of relationships where the ego battle rages because the underlying attachment style dynamics are not known.
3. These chapters describe behaviours that are considered abusive. Abusive behaviours must be seen as such, owned, and put to bed through insight and awareness. No relationship can survive one person feeling abused.
4. Similarly, addictions undermine good relating because they dictate the relationship dynamics in ways which make it difficult to be healthy and mutually supportive.
5. Understand and appreciate that although the two of you may be different, this is not a recipe for disaster. It is however a recipe for work on the relationship, work everyone has to do because all couples are different.
6. Explore the specific behaviours peculiar to your attachment style, and why those patterns may at times be strengths, and at times be a weakness when you are operating as a couple.
7. Get to see that the differences and ego battle which arises because of them can be worked with once they are understood and accommodated in the way you both relate.
8. Recognise that there are some patterns in relationship that are not explained by attachment styles. These can be understood and then worked with, once again recognising, honouring and discovering ways to meet half way with each other.
9. Develop missing skills, from effective listening, to effective self-management when your emotions get triggered.
10. Understand that no-one can be made to feel anything. Every reaction has its roots in childhood or trauma. These roots, and the manner of reactivity must be seen, owned and worked with in order that childhood does not still dictate the terms of your adult behaviours.
11. Discover your love language, essential for expressing affection in a relationship.
12. Discover your emotional sequencing, essential if you are to understand the emotions you experience, what triggers them, and what to do about that.
13. Come to appreciate the strategies that successful couples employ as a matter of course that creates the glue in a happy relationship.